


It's In Your Eyes

by ItsSteveNow



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A hella lot of blushing..., Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Awkwardness, Boarding School, Castiel's POV, Charlie's POV, Cute, Dean's POV, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV Multiple, Some angst, cuteness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 19:00:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2358779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsSteveNow/pseuds/ItsSteveNow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak finds himself in a daunting world when he is left at his new school, for second year. Shy and withdrawn, he expects to struggle. But then Dean Winchester is there.<br/>Taken under his wing, some parts aren't quite so hard. And still he struggles. He can't stop thinking about this boy. And that wouldn't end well...<br/>Could it?<br/>*<br/>Written from multiple POVs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nice to meet you.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post and i can't wait!  
> A destiel fan fiction, boarding school AU  
> Updated more regularly on my instagram account (@hunting_winchesters).  
> This is my first destiel, and my first actual, fan fiction, so if you have any feedback I'd love to hear it.  
> (I'm actually working on a more... Explicit piece right now.)
> 
> This chapter was originally in 5 parts so please excuse any minor repetition.

**Castiel's POV -**  
  
I stand on the gravel driveway in front of the steps that lead up to those big double doors. Reams of other children flood up those steps, shouting and calling to each other, or just walking up in silence. Some have tears in their eyes or on their cheeks, some look stern or thoughtful. There are many still around me, crowded around family who are there to lovingly see off their beloved children.  
  
I look down at my feet. My goodbye had been a quick pat on the back as I tumbled out the door, my brother Lucifer calling from behind the wheel a good luck and that he'd see me again in a couple months when they can visit for autumn. You can go home in autumn for a few weeks instead, but they don't want me there. They'd rather just send my oldest brother up to see us all and bring us a couple of peace offerings.  
  
By us I mean me and my other siblings. But they've scurried off now to meet their friends. Gabriel's in his fourth year, and he's the person to be around if you want a good laugh and to look good. Anna's in her third year so she has better things to do than hang around with her kid brother right now. She has to reestablish friendships that were strained by the summer holiday. Balthazar left last year and swore never to come back. So he isn't here to see me off either.  
  
I may just be starting here, but I'm not starting at the bottom. I was kept out of this school for the first year because my parents wanted me to learn 'people skills' before I was let loose so I didn't embarrass the family, I struggle when it comes to interacting with others my age. They also had a problem with me sharing a room with a bunch of other boys. They just didn't seem to understand what being gay meant. They thought, just because I liked boys, I liked every boy. I tried to enlighten them, "Heterosexual people aren't attracted to every person of the opposite sex. This is no different!" But they'd struggle with it for a long time. But after the incident, they needed me to not be near them, so I was carted off with my siblings to endure this new, inescapable hell.  
  
Lucifer is kind enough to wait, the engine rattling, just long enough for me to heave my case out of the car and slam the boot shut again, before he pulls away and leaves me stranded on the gravel where I still stand now.  
  
Someone blears their car horn at me and I jump forward to avoid the minivan that peals forward into the space I'd been standing in just seconds before. Wincing at the weight I head towards the steps, lugging my case along the ground behind me. Boarding school was going to be tough, and I knew it. As I reach the first step I stop and glance back. I see Anna chatting enthusiastically and animatedly with a group of girls. Gabe must be inside already. I'm turning back but freeze, something catching my eye. Someone...

 **Dean's POV -**  
  
"It's okay, Sammy. I'll see you soon. Don't you go crying on my like a sissy now, you hear." I pull my teary-eyed little brother into a bear hug. He was shooting up, still much shorter than I, but I was getting concerned about how quickly he was going to catch me and, God forbid, overtake me on the height front. Soon he might actually be able to take me.  
  
"I'll miss you. Dad said I can come too in a couple of years. But that's a long time." He says, looking up at me with sad, gentle eyes.  
  
"Not that long." I lie. It feels like forever here. How is this only my second year?!  
  
I push him out to arms length, crouching down slightly, and smile. He throws his arms around my neck again and let's out a muffled, "See you super soon." Before I deposit him back in my dad's car, the impala. One day she'd be mine. Slick and black and beautiful. My beautiful baby.  
  
I share an awkward moment with my father, him looking at me, me starring back at him, waiting for him to just say something abrupt and leave. I loved my father, but he couldn't show emotions well, and I seriously worried about Sammy's well-being whenever I was away.  
  
"Right son, be careful. You're getting to that age, so watch yourself..." There we have it. The moment for even more uncomfortable. Yes, I was definitely 'getting to that age', more so than he knew, but it was just like him to come out with something like that rather than just say that he'd miss me and promise to come see me in autumn. A promise he would no doubt break anyway, but all the same...  
  
"Dad man, just don't..." I groan in response, shifting uncomfortably. He nods stiffly, pats me on the back and walks back to the driver side of the car, sliding behind the wheel.  
  
The impala pulls away, Sam sticking his head out the open window and shouting to me, "Bye Dean! Bye!" And waving crazily.  
  
"I'll call you soon!" I shout back before they're too far away, then sling my bags over my shoulder. I turn towards the school's entrance and stop. A boy is just turning away from my direction, awkwardly ascending the stairs with a bulging case dragging behind him. He's struggling.  
  
Just as his eyes passed mine, I caught his gaze - whether he'd been looking at me or not, I couldn't be sure, it was unlikely - but I couldn't help but take in his eyes.  
  
They were the purest, most intense blue I've ever seen.  
  
"Oh..."

 **Castiel's POV -**  
  
At the top of the stairs is a giant hall, old and elegant in decor and architecture, just like the rest of the building. It had been like some royal estate or something. The whole building is the biggest I've seen, with whole wings and separate buildings. There was even a square courtyard in the middle of the main structure, as well as the vast fields and gardens around it.  
  
People crowd near a desk along one wall, or next to older people who stand with clipboards. I assume they're being assigned rooms and being checked off a register. I can't see either if my siblings anymore and I find their absence and my sense of abandonment overwhelming. It wasn't like I hadn't been abandoned an uncountable number of times before, shunned and feared by my own parents on a daily basis, but this was a new getting off alone. Alone in a sea of people. Of strangers. More people to not accept me and to bully me and to make me feel abnormal...  
  
I take it in as my heart gets faster and I press my fingers to the bridge of my nose, willing the panic attack to quell.  
  
"Not now."  
  
People move around me, the occasional one jostles me and I realise I'm still stood practically in the doorway. I'm about to move further in when a voice speaks behind me.  
  
"Are you okay there?"

 **Dean's POV -**  
  
Inside the same old building, I get an overwhelming feeling of 'fuck this' and I want to turn and leave again, but I don't. I linger in the doorway for a moment. I should really stay. I take another deep breath and am about to stride in with my usual mask on, when I stop myself suddenly, so that I don't walk straight into him.  
  
It takes me a second to realise who 'him' is. But he's wearing the same, long, tan coat as the boy with blue eyes I'd saw come in a good ten minutes ago, right before I was ambushed by a bunch of people who claim to be my friends.  
  
I had been going to follow him and catch him up, see if he needed help. First year students were always so lost and stressy on the first day... I know I had been, and I'd seen others have mini freakouts too...  
  
I told myself that was the only reason I wanted to make contact with him... But- but nothing.  
  
Although I'd assumed he'd be long gone and lost in the muddle of people by now. And instead he was still here.  
  
But I hesitated before reaching out to him, he seemed to be having a bit of trouble, breathing heavily and pinching the bridge of nose. I think I heard him mumble something.  
  
Some idiot bumps into me and knocks him to. This seems to bring him back to himself and he glances around. Now as good a time as any...  
  
"Are you okay there?" I ask.

* * *

He spins around to face me, a wild, frightened look in his eyes, and I feel bad for surprising him. There's long moment where neither of us says anything. We just stand there, starting at each other. His eyes are so blue. Clear like water, but deeper and far more piercing. Like cobalt crystals in the sun- no, moonlight... They're cool and enchanting like moonlight, not harsh like the sun.  
  
He shakes his head a little, then looks at me again, speaking. He has such a low, rich voice and makes my skin tingle and my heart rate increases noticeably. I ignore it. 'What is wrong with you today?' I ask myself.  
  
"Sorry. I was just moving." He sounds so shy and swamped by it all I can't help but want to hug- help him.  
  
"No. I-" I wince when my voice comes out all funny, clearing my throat. "I was wondering if you needed any help. This is my second year, I know the drill."  
  
He blushes, I don't understand why, but it's there, pink burning his cheeks and nose. I can feel my own ears getting hot...

 **Castiel's POV -**  
  
Damn it stop. Stop blushing like an idiot.  
  
I look up again into his eyes. They're so fresh and enchanting, a bright emerald green stares back at me and I know my cheeks are getting darker. So I look down at my feet.  
  
"I think I'm in your year..." I fidget from foot to foot. This is no time to be feeling like this. A new school. This is a time for clean and academic thoughts. Not thoughts about how sweet his lips look when they curl up like that. I don't know him from Adam.  
  
But he is smiling, "Oh, I assumed because I hadn't seen you before that... You're in my year, are you?" He puts an arm over my shoulder and guides me with him, my neck tingling where his soft, leather jacket brushes against it. "You can stick with me then. You look a little like you need a friend, if you don't know anyone..."

 **Dean's POV -**  
  
My arm took in his warmth where it was rested across his shoulders. We went over to the desk and they checked us of the list. His name was Castiel Novak and I couldn't stop my mind from telling me I liked his name. Then they sent us to the next stop, a boy in his last year. When we reached him, he laughed.  
  
"How's it going, baby brother?" He looked down at Castiel, grinning. I knew this boy. Gabriel, the most famous and beloved class clown to ever pass through this school. Everyone knew him. So Castiel was his brother? I never would have guessed, their personalities seeming so different...  
  
Castiel mumbles something, Gabriel smirking then looking down at his sheet.  
  
"I see you've made a friend- ah here, dormitory 13 - what's your name?" He looks over the chart at me now and I look back.  
  
"Dean Winchester." I swear I see the corners of his mouth twitch up, and he looks back down.  
  
"Look after my baby bro, y'hear. You're in 13 too." My neck tingles, so I, as casually as I can, flip my collar up to hide the definite embarrassment. Why? Why am I blushing so much?

 **Castiel's POV -**  
  
He pulled his collar up, rubbing his hand over the back of his head. I watched as he scrunched his nose up and looked quite uncomfortable.  
  
"Do you know where you're going?" I look away from Dean quickly.  
  
"Yes." He says, then looks at me. "C'mon Cas, we have to unpack before we are called to get our timetables." And he heads off towards a door that ascends instantly into a tight, very cosy staircase. This whole place seemed to have very open rooms with thin, squashed corridors, like they didn't want to waste space on hallways.  
  
"See you later little brother."  
  
"Bye, Gabe." And I trail after Dean, still lugging my case awkwardly, embarrassed by now weak I must appear.  
  
I was right. The corridor was very cosy. Dean had waited for me to catch up and now he looks down at me a few stairs below him, struggling to get my bag up after me.  
  
"Here." He leans around me, his neck right next to my nose. He smells sweet and musky all at once, like honey and aged leather, and lilies and old books... He takes my bags strap in his hand, a couple of his fingers on top of mine.  
  
He'd been moving with some urgency but at the contact he hesitates, curling his fingers tightly around the strap but letting mine linger there. There's a long moment like this, he turns his head down a little and catches my eye with his green ones, not moving back. My heart hammers on my chest, the noise from the hall blocked out.  
  
It's excruciating...

 **Dean's POV -**  
  
Shit. Why haven't I moved? Why I'm I still touching his hand? Why the hell can I not look away from his lips?  
  
The last thought shakes me out of my daze, I realise what is happening and feel embarrassed, clearing my throat to break the silence. He literally jumps at my sudden noise and a tiny flash of guilt is pumped through my body, across my chest like a shock.  
  
He let's go of the case, bringing his hand up to his chest and pressing against the wall to let me haul the case past him. It just fits without running over his toes.  
  
Now that I'm ahead again, my back to him, I let my face relax, assessing what has just happened.  
  
I'd felt so calm, so at peace looking into those eyes, like you do when you look out over the clear ocean on a tropical island's beach. He'd just starred back but instead of making me feel uncomfortable, I'd felt safe and honest...  
  
Honest? What a weird word to use... What made me think of that?  
  
I can feel my skin tingling as I reach the top of the staircase and turn down an equally tight corridor, glancing back for just a second to check that he was following me okay. He's just looking down at his shoes, but he seems to be keeping up fine. I should probably break this awkward silence...  
  
He seems like such a kind boy, I'd like to befriend him, so he's not alone and because I don't like very many people in this year... Not really.  
  
But that's the point, isn't it. He's a boy. And the way you felt just there...  
  
It didn't make sense.

 **Castiel's POV -**  
  
You idiot. What are you doing?! That can't happen again, you need him as a friend and you can't go scarring him off, you stupid, little... What does dad call you? Oh, yeah. Stupid, little embarrassment. You need a friend like him, being what you are! A high achieving, nerdy prime target that is... Not the homosexual thing. Not many people know about that...  
  
Not yet.  
  
I shake my head once he's pulled the case past me, his back to me know, and drop my hands to my sides in fists. If he did look back, though, they are hidden in the sleeves of my trenchcoat. He wouldn't notice, unless my nails break the skin on my palms and there's blood, that is.  
  
Don't do this. - I tell myself - He'll just get freaked and not want to be around you.  
  
And I like him too much to let that happen... Again. I want him, as a friend, so I have to ignore this burning in my chest and in my throat. It'll pass. It has to pass. I'd like to be able to say it will but...  
  
How would I know. This is a first.  
  
I follow him along a long, narrow corridor at the top of the stairs after a sharp turn. I watch my feet, glue my eyes to the toes of my converse, scuffed and more brown and grey than white now. My laces are loose as ever, dragging along the ground the frayed bottoms flop forward with every step. It's a miracle I don't trip constantly...  
  
Dean slows in front of me and I have to stop dead so as not to tromp on my bag. I look up and he's stopped by a door with the number 13 on it. He looks my way and I wait, not realising I'm holding my breath. I wait for him to say something to wipe away what happened before.  
  
What happened before doesn't have to be out in the open. It doesn't... I may still have to revisit it on my sleep... Think about, if maybe things were different, how they could be different. Or perhaps just imagine scenarios that are just outright ridiculous. No one will know.  
  
Stop it.  
  
"Here we are, room 13..."

 **Dean's POV -**  
  
"... Our boudoir." I say as a joke, laughing. But I realise how it sounded once it was out my mouth. Stupid, embarrassing, and a little creepy... "Or, erm, our bedroom... I'm not good at languages." Castiel smiles, a gentle, silent laugh that shows these dimples in his cheeks and I relax.  
  
My neck starts to heat up so I duck into the empty dorm room. We're the first to be placed here, and it's one of the smaller dormitories. Only seven beds, four up one wall, three up the other. A big, almost floor-to-ceiling window at the bottom that looks out on the gardens, because it faces west it will give a perfect view of the sunset in a few hours...  
  
I clear my throat again at the thought of watching one with Castiel one time... Today... And start off down the centre isle of the room, looking for the bed with my name on it, with my bedding on it. A perk at this school. Send your preferred bedding ahead, a week before school starts, and they put it on your bed ready for your arrival. Makes it an easier transition for most.  
  
There it is, my bed, on the very end of the row of four beds, sporting my Walmart's finest plain, black sheets, duvet and pillow covers that Sam helped me decorate with stitched on patches. They had been drawn on to beautifully depict my favourite album covers. I don't say it enough, he's a gifted artist... In truth I just supplied moral support and pizza as he worked.  
  
I glance to my side and see Castiel's name printed on the sticker at the foot of the bed next to me. I almost let out a cry of pity when I see them, the dull, worn and impersonal bed clothes of the school default stock.  
  
"Castiel, where's your bedding?"

 **Castiel's POV -**  
  
I look around the room, around at the beds to every side of me, taking in the colourful, special duvet covers on each, then down at mine as I stand next to Dean. Why do I have to stand out here as well? Why do I feel suddenly even worse about being here, about surviving here, about not having my own sheets even? Why?  
  
"I- My parents forgot to pack mine in with Anna and Gabe's when they sent them out. When I saw mine had been left in their pile on the table I told them and they shrugged. They said they didn't want to waste money sending more out so I would be fine making do with what I was given..." My voice trails off, till I'm just moving my lips at the end. And then he's there, so close my breath hitches in my throat, as he slips his arm around me, around my shoulders. He gives me a gentle squeeze then drops his arm. But he hasn't moved an inch away yet, his arm still warm against mine. My knuckles brush against his and I blush.  
  
"I'm so sorry, that sounds very unfair of them." Dean seems to be trying to empathise with me but he cannot understand the extent... What it's like there... Maybe this will be good, this school, after all...  
  
If I wasn't so goddamn terrified, shy.  
  
We unpack, me silent, him humming along to the music I can hear blasting out of the headphone that dangles against his chest, next to the interesting, ornate gold Buddha-head-like pendant he is wearing.  
  
"Are you humming metallica?" I ask, smirking a little. He looks up at me, a little relieved I've not gone dumb, a bit amused.  
  
"It calms me." He says plaintively, then cracks up again. I join him laughing, feeling oddly good, oddly calm. Happy I have a friend... "Believe it or not, but I'm on edge constantly here. People can be false, can be mean and can just get tiresome after a year..."  
  
"Not filling me with confidence here, Dean." I offer, giving a mock, wide eyed stare of 'fear', then dip my head as I continue to pack away my things in my little chest of draws.  
  
"Not trying to. You should be on the alert... Just know, I've got your back." He says it with no special meaning, but I take in every syllable of what he says, beaming to myself because-  
  
Because someone actually gives a shit about me that isn't a sibling. Someone actually wanted to know me, is getting to know me... May actually, at some point, get to really know me. As a good, a very good, friend.  
  
"Hurry up, man! We wanna get our work stuff sorted out before dinner, and I'm starved!" He leans in to help me push away my last few things, I blush when he scoops away a pair of boxers into a draw without a second glance, and walks out the door. In the corridor now, his voice oddly weak, strangled a little, he calls back to me. "Get a move on, Cas! We gotta go!"  
  
Cas?  
  
Cas.  
  
He called me Cas.  
  
That's a first, no one has ever called me anything other than Castiel, except my siblings who adopted Cassy for me...  
  
Cas... I like it. It's short. Like-  
  
Dean.


	2. Novak Genes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I must say, you've got some good genes, you Novaks."  
> His elbow nudges me jokingly, the others laughing, but I catch a glint in his eye.
> 
> Even if he isn't eating, or showing much of himself, he's slowly beginning to settle in. But keeping his mind on fitting in is proving hard when Dean is right there.  
> And is Dean suffering from something a little similar? Even if he doesn't let himself acknowledge it...

**Dean's POV** -

He joins me in the hall just as I'm returning to a normal skin colour, my voice hopefully readjusting itself too. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I hope Cas isn't thinking I'm weird...

But he smiles at me widely, allowing me to relax again. We walk down the corridor back towards the entrance.

"So, Cas, what music do you listen to?" I ask. I can't help think back to my duvet. And therefore, I can't get the image of his little, deep blue, ratty looking bedding out of my head.

"Oh... Just, stuff like The Smiths, and The Cure..." He nods along as he speaks, tipping his head to the side slightly as he tries to think. It's cute, he looks a bit like a small kitten confused by a toy. "And Elvis-"

"Elvis?"

"Costello." He finishes. Oh. "And the Attractions..." He adds, he must have caught my blank expression. "I'm really into British stuff. That's where the real music is."

He flashes me a smile. This smile, this wicked smile that sends a shiver from my fingertips and toes inwards, colliding in my stomach. I know he's getting a little more comfortable around me, starting to show more of his character. A character he seems to keep hidden from most everybody else. And a character I think I could get to really like. I laugh at him, shaking my head.

"Nah, man. American rock, all the way."

In the hall again, still crammed with people, some pushing past us to go up to the dorms, Cas grows quieter and more withdrawn like before. I guide him over to another last year pupil, a girl with long hair, no one who's ever really seemed to stand out to me, to get the lesson timetable. The years are small enough that half one can have lessons together, Cas and I are handed identical sheets of paper at which he let's out a huff of air.

"Want rid of me already?" I ask, pretending to be hurt but I can't hide a grin when he looks up at me, shocked.

"No! I just-"

"Kidding, Cas. Just messing with you." He relaxes again and I have to bite my lip not to burst out laughing. He stares at me, at my mouth when I do so I stop quickly, looking down at my timetable.

There's a tap on both our shoulders and we both look round at once.

"So who's this?"

 **Castiel's POV** -

Someone taps us and I turn to see a red head right up behind us. My first thought is 'hi, Anna', but it's not her. She's pointing at me, her finger almost booping my nose.

"So who's this?" She's asking Dean. It's more of a demand though, but Dean just laughs.

"Hey Charlie. Nice to see you too. My summer sucked, thanks for asking." He shakes his head at her, 'disapprovingly'.

"Oh, sorry Dean. Forgot you were such a delicate little flower." She mocks back, making him go red. Then she throws her arms around him, hugging him very violently. "I missed you, Deanie! Glad you're back." And she pulls back and wiggles her finger at me again. "Newbie, who?"

"Castiel. He's in our year." He looks over at me, I've been quiet though all of this. "Cas, this is Charlie. My best friend here, the only other... I was going to say sane person here, but there's no way you're sane."

She slaps him on the arm, glaring, then smiles at me. "Nice to meet you, Cas. I think I'm gunna like you."

"Hi..." Is all I manage and they both laugh at me, good-naturedly. I relax a little and we walk away. She walks between us, looking at her timetable and squeaks, waving it near my face.

"Snap! Same classes!"

We sit on the grass outside. No body else joins us at this time, even though by the way they talk, mentioning people, they're part of a bigger group. We find out Charlie is in the same dormitory block, they're mixed genders in all blocks to encourage our interaction, only two doors down in 15. They catch up, remembering last year and get caught up in stories. I just sit next to them for a while, half listening to the tale about Crowley, the class brute, and the Latin teacher and the frog, half watching the way they interact.

Almost everyone is inside now, the odd group wandering by, and it's much quieter than inside... They prod and punch each other constantly. They could be dating-

"Dean, remember when we got drunk off those beers you snuck in from the village, and I tried to kiss the gorgeous Masters?" She cracks up.

"Meg? No you never told me! Oh my God, did she run off?" Charlie... She's gay? Oh... Dean looks like he's about to burst, his cheeks red.

"Oh. Well. Actually, she kinda leaned in but then Alister walked in and she wigged." They collapse into each other, holding their stomachs.

Dean looks up at me after a few minutes and smiles softly, looking a little guilty for getting so caught up in a conversation that excluded me. Charlie turns her attention to me too, sitting up straight and pushing her hair back before speaking.

"So, Cas. I heard you're Gabriel Novak's brother... He was here last year, so why did you miss your first year?"

Oh. Not this question. The question I've dreaded most. Do I tell the truth, a partial truth, or flat out lie? I could lose them as potential friends with the truth, but it could get awkward later if the truth comes out, which it will. But Charlie is gay. It's Dean I'm worried about, but surly they won't care.

So, I decide to come clean, or whatever.

I swallow hard and breath in deep. It's still, for some reason, hard to confront this side of my family, my life... My self.

~

We pour into the massive food hall, large, circular tables set with silver and holding jugs of water. I walk in between Charlie and Dean, quiet, letting Dean's voice drown out my own thoughts as he lists the things he hopes will be served tonight. It's 6:30pm and I don't feel at all hungry.

It had been later than we'd realised so I'd barely opened my mouth to speak before a bell had shrilled, summoning us for dinner. I hope my relief at being interrupted wasn't too obvious, but having to go into that business just yet with people I'd only just met was not something I'd been ready for.

We sit around a table, and it takes me a moment to realise Dean's looking at me, saying something in a concerned tone. So much for drowning out my thoughts.

"You okay, Cas? You look a little..."

"I'm fine." I cut him off and he just stares back at me, not convinced. "It's just, I normally eat at half nine, earliest, after my parents have gone out. Lucifer usually prepares something for us, something meagre, hardly satisfying. Since... Since- Lately our parents have been utterly withdrawn, forgetting about us most days. I'm just not hungry is all..." My clothes hang loose on my even now, I'm too thin and I know it.

Dean's nodding and Charlie looks completely emotional, which makes a lump start to form in my throat. I need an out, now.

"Hey guys! Where have you been?!" Three people drop into seats across from me, a blond speaking with a toothy grin. She's a little flushed and she pours out a glass of water, looking round at us, her gaze falling on me she pauses. "Is this the new kid?"

It's my turn to go red and Dean chuckles at me.

"Yeah, he's Cas, and he's a sweet guy so be nice." He waves a finger in their direction and laughs. His mouth curls up, and he has a dimple on his cheek that deepens when his smile gets bigger. I can't help but stare, from under my eyelashes so it's not as obvious.

 **Dean's POV** -

"Did you just call another guy 'sweet'?" It's Ash speaking, looking at me as though I've gone loopy, his mullet bobbing about his shoulders which shake with suppressed laughter. I didn't realise I'd said that...

"Shut it, Ash." I turn to Cas. "These are who I have to put up with here." He looks up at me, and I point round the table. "Benny, Ash and Jo." I can see him take in the names, trying to commit them to memory, his eyes wide and still so blue, even in this light.

Food is placed in vats along the wall and everyone moves at once, starving. From the line I look over at him, sitting at the table by himself, fiddling with the tablecloth absently, and I can't stop myself thinking he looks sweet.

There's that word again, 'sweet'... I don't think I've ever used it to describe anything before in my life. Until today. I've used it twice today...

I can't think why I'd- Ooh! Burgers! That's a good first meal.

I should bring something back for Cas for later in case he's hungry...

~

We leave the hall together a good hour later, Cas trotting beside me carrying his little parcel, a burger and some chips, wrapped up in a napkin. I've had my fill, but he didn't touch a thing, reluctant at first to bring this food with him. But I wouldn't let him leave without it. He looks too fragile as it is... Like I would break him if I held him, even gently.

"Dean!" Charlie yanks my arm hard, pulling me with them out a door, and I stumble after them. I never used to get lost in my thoughts like that. I don't think I had enough thoughts to get lost in. But this new boy has gotten to me, with his quiet ways and secret charm, I'm warming to him and I think he's doing the same. He talked a lot more when we were by ourselves.

We stop in the courtyard in one corner, and I flop down on the grass, stretching out and yawning, patting my stomach contentedly.

"Good food, I'm stuffed." I know I eat too much, they all know I do, but every time they laugh at me and tell me I'm a pig. Charlie lies her head across me and I groan in protest. All I get in response is a slap on the chest.

"I've got cards?" Ash grins and puts the pack on the ground in front of us. This never ends well. He always wins, so we just play for fun. There's nothing to win most days, but he takes the whole thing quite seriously. And he can get anyone talking about anything while you play.

"Alright then." I sigh, propping myself up a little and Charlie groans in protest this time.

"No, my cushion!" She grumbles as she sits upright again, and I glance over at Cas. He's already looking at me intently and I can't suppress the flutter in my chest when I catch his eye. I just look back and try to breath normally.

"You up for this, Cas?" I manage, and he nods, smirking a little, for the first time in company. Blush. Again?

 **Castiel's POV** -

I can play cards. It's how I passed the time for a long time. It helped distract from the world. It helped calm me. It helped my bluffing skills and allowed me to form an iron PokerFace.

I needed one to hide who I am from everyone else.

"Deal them, man!" Benny shoves Ash who has been sat, watching us, and I look down at my toes. He just laughs to himself as he shuffles the deck and deals. As he does, someone explains the rules to me. It's not a game I've ever heard of, they call it 'Angel Hunting', some variation of about twenty card games and I feel lost after the first five rules alone.

"Why didn't you just call it Bamboozle?" I ask, hiding a smile as I vow secretly to myself to learn these rules quickly and give them a challenge.

"Well, Dean was feeling particularly creative when we made it. The name was his sole contribution." Charlie classifies with a mocking tone and Dean leans forwards for his cards. He slumps over her and she bats him away. They have a great relationship. I know I'm a bit jealous...

~ An hour later and it's dark out. Someone appears to usher us indoors again, and we pack up. Fairy lights and lanterns give the courtyard light, and it looks pretty. I look to the side to Dean and watch the twinkling reflect in his soft stare. When he looks over to me, I blush and go to say something.

"What happens now?" He grins and rests his arm around my shoulder.

"Now we go to the common room." He says, beaming, and steers me after the group.

It's a big common room, but people huddle in groups, not spreading out too much. We take a corner and I settle in a big, squishy armchair near the old-timey record player. Dean made a beeline for it and is shuffling through the records next to it. AC-DC comes on and I close my eyes, the day catching up with me. I've done more socialising these past few hours than I have in the past three years. And I don't usually do well in these situations. Dean seems to bring it out of me.  
Dean. He seems special, some how...

'Damn it Cas, stop thinking about him like that.' I know where this path leads. Rejection and ridicule and abandonment. I can't handle it here, with nowhere to hide from it. But it's all I can think about, the way his hair lies in all directions, the dimple in his cheek, his eyes. God, his eyes. Why did he have to have such striking, perfect eyes, impossibly green, impossibly bright, eyelashes impossibly thick. Damn damn damn.

"Hey there, Cassy." I jump when someone grabs my shoulder from behind, and spin round to come face to face with Anna. "This is my baby brother." She classifies to the group of people behind her. All girls. They giggle and stare and I feel very uncomfortable very quickly.

"Hi Anna..."

"I see you've made friends- oh, Dean Winchester?" She looks surprised, then intrigued. She purrs his name like it's sex itself. Maybe it is. I can feel my cheeks glowing. "I know about you..."

"Yes, Anna?" I ask and she looks back down at me, looking a little flushed, about to giggle herself maybe.

"Oh, I just thought I'd check up on you. But I see you're doing... Just fine." She looks around again at the people I've apparently befriended.

"See you later, Cassy." She winks in Dean's direction before she leaves and I think I might die when I turn back to them. They're watching her leave, then Charlie looks at me, gawping.

"Shit, of course! Novak. You're Anna Novak's brother." Her face has turned almost the shade of her hair and past the gaping mouth is a slightly goofy grin.

Dean is almost in stitches. "Anna Novak, yeah, should have realised." He comes and sits on the arm of my chair and his leg rests against my knee. I have to focus on what he's actually saying when he leans back. He may as well be in the chair with me. I even toy with the idea of squashing to one side so he can fit, but decide I wouldn't handle that well. "Charlie spent all last year swooning over your sister. I must say, you've got some good genes, you Novaks."

His elbow nudges me jokingly, the others laughing, but I catch a glint in his eye. He must be taking about Anna. Just Anna.

~ We're commanded to our dorms by another bell, saying our goodbyes to Charlie, Jo and Benny in the hall outside our room. Ash was placed with us and he falls onto the bed next to mine, practically asleep already, still fully clothed. I perch in the edge of my bed. Dean walks in front of me and pulls his shirt over his head. I think I nearly scream.

Bare chested, he starts to unbuckle his belt and I know I have to get away from this scene. This friendship thing has to go one step at a time, and this has to be a step in the hundreds. I grab my nightclothes and head to the bathrooms down the hall, trying not to look like I'm fleeing too much.

It'll get easier. It has to.

 **Dean's POV** -

'Blue eyes. Bright, beseeching, so gentle. They're like bubblegum in the hazy, dewy light. And I can touch his face here. It's so soft against my calloused fingertips but it's okay, his hands over mine and-'

I'm pulled awake by a gentle bump against my bed. I don't move, squinting into the dark, still a little confused by my dream. A figure at the foot of my bed freezes, twists around nervously, then starts moving towards the window. In the light coming in past the curtains when he pulls them to the side a little, I can see his fragile silhouette as he ducks through the open window, onto the wide roof outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm curious, do people like this?


	3. Chapter 3

**Castiel's POV -**

It's beautiful up here. I sink down against the slate, back pressed to the wall behind me, looking over the gardens and beyond. The fairy lights twinkle and shimmer, the lanterns strung up delicately, giving the place an enchanting, fairytale charm.

I take it in, reaching into the pocket of my hoodie and pulling out the little package of burger and chips. I know fine well I'll probably just pick at it, not eating much and losing most of it on the ground below me. Absently pulling apart the food Dean had wrapped up for me, I barely realise till it's practically all gone, left nibbling on a chip.

"God, I hope you ate some of that." I whip my head to the side to see Dean a short distance away, leaning out the window, smirking as he plays with the strings on his own hoodie, looking straight at me. After I glance at him, I turn my attention back out onto the perfect, wavering bushes, trees and flowers.

"Maybe... What's it to you?" I know I'm being short but he doesn't know. He won't ever get it. There's scuffling then somebody's shoulder presses against mine.

"Y'know, it actually means quite a lot." There's a nudge and a half laugh. "You've grown on me, Cas, and I'd like to get to know you better..." I look back at him and he's watching me carefully in a measured, controlled way that tells me he's holding back emotions. His lips are so full, one pinched just between his teeth, gently and perfectly. "I don't want you to go wasting away on me, do I. So you should eat..."

An Oreo is put in my lap and I smile, taking it to nibble on now.

"That's my boy..." Dean sighs and shuffles an almost unnoticeably tiny but closer to me. He smells so sweet and gorgeous I have to fight not to bury my face in his neck right here, right now...

**Dean's POV -**

I tuck my arm around him. I couldn't tell you why, it just sort of happened, and now it would be more awkward to take it away again. So, instead, I give him a squeeze and lean closer against him, desperately trying to not think about the dream I just woke up from. But his eyes are shining, just like I'd expect them to in a situation like this. And he's so warm.

It's a hot night, clammy but with a chilling breeze. We sit, side by side, in silence, for a while. I just stare out at the trees, the occasional glance over at him, trying to guess what he's thinking. I can't think of anything.

"You never said why you missed your first year... Is it something you're okay talking about, or would you prefer me to leave. Because I'd love to be here for you."

I'm getting sappy. Damn it.

But he just nods, slowly at first, then more noticing. I also notice his hand on his leg, which is right next to mine, three of the fingers already resting on me. Electricity and harmony. This is what I want.

"Yes. Yes... You should know. Before you get used to me, you should understand that I'm... What I am. And that my family is... Well..." He's willing his eyes straight ahead, it sounds so serious that I sink lower and watch him as he straightens himself and his hair.

"You ready for this, Dean? Because I don't want to lose the best friend I've ever had..." Best friend he's ever had. Something about that makes me hotter and I just feel sorry for him... And myself.

"I'm ready. I promise to have an open mind." I say, angling my body more towards him to hear him better as he prepares to speak...

"Well... Last year was hard... Very hard..."

"Oh...?"

"Yes... My dad left for a long while. And it just got more difficult from there..."

He looks so scared, I wish I could hold onto his hand...

**Castiel's Memory -**

I'd stand on the veranda every evening, feeling the warmth of the dying sun prickle my skin, watch how it brings out a golden dust on everything around me, wondering if I could just melt in this sea of warm gold and just be a part of something bigger...

But today was different. I'd told them something at dinner tonight that had changed everything for me. I'd barely liked to admit it to myself before this point, but now there is no coming back.

I think of their faces, now. How they'd looked when I'd said it, as I'd been ushered away from them. My mother almost crying, a look of disgust hidden on her constant, ever-mild mask, watching me like I'd just thrown my plate of food across the table towards her for no reason. My dad, reddening with anger, about to lose any control he pretended to have. He was all loving in public. He was all knowing at work.

He was all powerful when the doors shut behind him and no one else could see. Our house, out in the middle of nowhere, perfect. No one could see, hear or help. No one had the power to change it...

Lucifer had intervened, he'd been the one to guide me out. Holding my shoulder tightly. "It's okay Cassy. Just, go out there, or it's going to get bad. I'll come get you, don't worry. They know now, but don't worry. I'll fight him raw and bloody before he lays a hand on you."

He's the only person who knew then... How he found out was a long, difficult and embarrassing story. But I'm glad he knew, because he was easy to talk to and trust, my confidante.

After a while I perch on the edge of the creaky swing-seat, old and rusty and rough. It protests loudly but I have to sit, my legs wobbling dangerously as I sink down, chewing my lower lip liberally to hold in my rattling sobs.

"So, Cassy. Any girls you like at school?" Every day. Asked this every single day, like maybe they already knew, but were willing it not to be true.

When my mother asked, it almost sounded praying and desperate. Begging me to say I had an interest in this stuff. When my dad asked though, it was heavy, threatening almost, and everything about him was intimidating. Some days I'd shrug, maybe mumble something before scurrying away. Other days I'd just be silent and stare back, my brain skipping like a record...

And every day, after I shook my head or whatever, I'd go to my room the second I could to hide any tell tale signs when my mind wandered to the...

**Dean's POV -**

"The- the person I liked..." He stutters, the break in narrative pulling me from the image of him standing alone on the veranda, scared, hiding in his room. I don't know what happened, but his face is paler than usual even, his lip trembling. And I look down to see his hand in mine, holding tight.

Something stirs in me, warm and fluttery, spreading through me, low, in my veins.

I look up to him and take in his eyes, this time glassy and tears have spilled over into the flushed apples of his cheeks. I squeeze his hand, a lump in my own throat, and his eyes dart down to them, his chest rising and falling fast.

"This person- he was a boy that-" His voice hitched then stopped, he shakes his head and no words come. I just feel more heat under my skin as I realise.

"You're gay?" I ask, everything slotting together in my head. He looks ill, barely nodding but I know I'm right anyway. I can feel him shaking and his hand starts to tug away from mine. I think usually, in the past, I'd have reacted badly to something like this, immaturely and uncomfortable. But I've grown up. I've started thinking about things... Myself...

I hold his hand where it is, pressed between my palms to keep in there. I link my fingers through his to secure him and look up at him starring at me, and lean against him more when I look out at the dark horizon, lightening with a pinkish-golden hue. He rests against me too, relaxing a little, so tiny, thin and delicate, but it feels nice.

"I don't care..."

**Castiel's POV -**

I wake up curled up tightly on top of the duvet, shivering. My hoodie still zipped up around me, but it does nothing to keep out the icy, morning air here, or preserve body heat. Surely it shouldn't be this cold, this time of year. I push up from the bed and perch on the edge of the mattress.

"Morning me." I say to myself, glancing around the room of sleeping lumps. The clock says it's five o'clock. Not unusual for me to wake up at this time, but most people aren't like that. I pad over to the curtains, slipping behind them and crawling into the deep windowsill, drooping against the cold glass. Outside, it's clear it's been raining, heavily. Everything glistens with due and light drizzle is still spitting down. A heavy mist hangs low to the ground, the sky angry and grey but backlit by the sun. It'll be stormy all day today...

"Hey, Cas..." A groggy voice says next to my ear, my head snapping in it's direction so quickly my neck protests with a sharp, shooting pain. "Whoa dude, sorry. Didn't mean to sneak up on you." Dean.

He's gruff, rubbing his sleep-heavy eyes, his bed-head incredibly cute and, I steel a second to think secretly, incredibly sexy. Without warning, he clambers up next to me, tucking in tight to me like it's the most natural thing in the world to do.

"I'm damn near frozen." He shivers and I can't help but smile into his hair that sticks up in my face. It smells fresh, clean and... A little like peaches. I inhale again, trying to be discrete. Ignore the part of me that doesn't care, that thinks, 'let him hear you'. No good would come of that. He was good enough to accept me without question. Let's not push it.

But everything is so good, so perfect right now. His arm if draped softly over my stomach, the pressure and weight of it welcome, but emphasises the emptiness of me. Hey, maybe I'll eat something today...

The idea seems laughable and, as if on cue, it growls hungrily. Dean laughs softly, his fingers stroking and walking over it, looping round my navel.

"You gunna eat today?" Dean sounds mildly curious, but there's an edge to his voice, like he's genuinely concerned. His fingers keep circling. A third loop. A fourth. A fifth. His hair looks much blonder in this light, less of the brown showing up. A sixth. Seventh.

"Huh? Oh- yeah... I- maybe." My own hands is loosely hooked over his waist, his stomach pressed up to my hip. An eighth loop. I can absently trace the waistband of his boxers just under the bottom of his hoodie.

"Good." He hums, pressing almost undetectably the tiniest, bit closer. Nine loops. Ten. Eleven. His index finger trace up to my chest, his pinkie follows, his thumb rubbing for a brief instant over my nipple and I jump, jolting upright.

Dean moves back, looking at me with an expression that barely passes for confused or surprised. He must realise what he just did. A mistake, but he must realise. I slip off the windowsill and drop to the floor, padding quickly away and out the door, down the corridor, leaving him sitting there on his own.

**Dean's POV -**

"Shit." What did I just do?

I rub a hand over my face and push it up into my hair, the other pressing against my chest to try and soak up the warmth Castiel's body had left there. What just happened? What did I just do?

I press into the corner of the sill, as close to the wall and window as I can get, starring out of it at the spot we'd sat in last night. I'd accepted him completely without hesitation when I'd realised he was gay. I'd not thought twice, of course. So why, ever since it had came out, could I not stop feeling like such a lie.

There's been a few girls, nice girls, gorgeous and sexy and so so hot. So willing... So why did they pale so drastically and completely in comparison to Cas? I'm not saying I'm gay. Or that I'm attracted to him.

Just everything about him is just so many times more beautiful than anything they'd had to offer. None of their eyes had been as clear, bright and kind as his. None of their noses had crinkled in quite as perfect a way as his does when he laughs. None of their lips looked as impossibly... Impossibly...

"Irresistible."

Yes. Wait- I didn't say that. I look round and come face to face with my best redhead. She smirks, mocking me and how I look. She presses her nose against the glass, crouched on the roof, grinning when my expression is no doubt that of a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. But instead of a cookie jar, it's sort of my... Head. Just my crazy brain. And instead of a hand it's... Cas.

"Gunna let me in or not?" Charlie taps on the glass quietly but impatiently. I just nod and move back to open the window a crack to let her squeeze in. She peeks through the curtains at the sleeping boys and pulls back a second later, grimacing. "Here, boys are disgusting. All drooly and slobbery in your sleep." She laughs, but it drops away, tinny and empty, then gone, when she takes in my blank face. I'm seriously struggling with this. I know I should talk about it with someone. And who better than Charlie? But... But.

"Charlie, I-" I stop short, very short, of the important part, but she looks at me carefully, steady and desperately caring.

"What is it, Dean?" She asks, wrapping my hand in her's, pressing it between her palms and lacing her fingers. Just like I had last night. I pull my hands away, to my chest, thinking... "God, Dean. Really. What's wrong?"

**Castiel's POV -**

It's hot in here. Why is it so goddamn hot in here?

I push into the bathroom and stumble along, past the toilet cubicles and into one of the showers at the back, clutching my stomach. Most of the boys will probably get their showers in the allotted time after breakfast. It's empty in here and silent, my heavy breathing filling the space easily. Panting and squeezing my arms around myself. It helps calm you, if you squeeze just right, tight enough in the right place. I was showed this by- before the indecent. It came in handy after that.

I slam my fist against the power button, water gushing out over my head and down me, then once. Twice. Three times into the wall. You'd think, by the look of me, I'd have no power. But when I'm like this I find some from somewhere. It isn't good. I've broken my hands before just because I'm angry.

Now pain flashes past my eyes, a ringing in my ears, and all I see is red dripping steadily onto my toes. I look up, blood covering my pathetically fragile knuckles. The tiles on the wall - shit - smashed, the cracks spiderwebing out. I've already vandalised my first morning. Great.

There's a loose flap when I move and I look down. My boxers slap against my legs and my T-shirt hangs off me, transparent with water. Without thinking about my idiocy, how I just got into the shower with them on, I slip them off and kick them under the cubical door.

"Just calm down. Pretend it didn't happen." Because it didn't. Nothing happened. He's your friend- going to be your friend. Nothing happened because he's straight, the way he talks, what he talks about, all those girls. Nothing happened because, look at you. Why would it? Nothing ever will.  
My finger absently loops my navel, slides up my chest and-

"It didn't happen you stupid, pathetic... Embarrassment." And I sink down the wall, just holding my bloody fist, shoulders heaving with breathy sobs. I like this boy, but I need him. As a friend. So I have to get over myself. I have to just stop.

**Dean's POV -**

I sat with Charlie for a while, but when people began to stir she went back out the window to her dorm. After that I pulled on some pyjama bottoms and some socks to go down to breakfast, just like last year. I would have went down with Ash, but he was taking too long to get out of bed, and I need to see if Cas is down there already. I need to apologise for... Court what I did. I'm still a bit, confused about it all. But I really like him. We were just getting to know each other. He was just starting to be my friend...

The corridor are still reasonably quiet. I follow a group of girls, still a little sleepy but obviously early risers, down to the food hall, listening to their yawn-riddled chatter. Nothing interesting.

At the doorway of the hall I stop, tucking in to one side, and scan the room for his face. He's been gone for a good hour and a half, and he's not here. Should I be worried?

I decide to give him some time, I just freaked him but I can apologise when I see him, when he's ready. So I go over to a table where I can see Charlie eating with Jo. They're talking about their holidays again and Jo is laughing when Charlie displays her tan lines, T-shirt and spaghetti strap patches of uneven cream. A little, barely noticeable difference to her usual milky shade. But she doesn't seem to mind being pale.

"I'll show you mine later. They're a bit harder to just get out..." Jo says, winking at me as I slip into a seat next to them.

"Oh you tease." I shoot back, mirroring her wink and trying to act normally. Charlie squeezes my hands discretely. She doesn't know anything really about what happened. Just that I freaked Cas and that I'm struggling with something. I couldn't bring myself to confide in anyone. The only person I want to talk to right now is Cas. I want to see if he's okay and to apologise. Please, can I just apologise.

I'm about to insert myself into the conversation fully when I see him. Cas shuffles into the hall behind a small crowd of people, looking like he wants to be invisible. His hair is still wet, he must have went to the showers. He must have hidden in the showers... His eyes are red, a little blotchy but not too noticeably, and...

His right hand is puffy under his hoodie sleeve with clean, white bandages. His right hand is hurt and it hadn't been this morning before he'd ran off... His right hand might be a result of- I don't know.

He sits down opposite me, gives me a weak smile but, other than that, won't meet my eyes. Charlie starts chatting to him and he joins in, then she sees his hand and gasps.

"What happened?" She runs her fingers over the cloth and Jo hums in a concerned way.

"Oh, nothing. Just an accident... I fell in the shower, but I'm fine." He shrugs it off and they're gracious enough to accept that blatant avoidance of the truth. What did happen to his poor, gentle hand?

Benny turns up and we eat in silence, Cas just drinking orange juice and watching me swallow without catching my gaze once. Not until we stand to leave as Ash is walking up to us. I find his eyes and we just watch each other, paused. I feel like I might choke on the mass forming in my throat. After a moment he nods a fraction, a little smile, turning into a soft laugh under his breath and he comes over, hand resting on my shoulder. And I know he's forgiven me for what I did.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Where you guys going?" Ash holds up his hands in front of us but Jo just bats him over the head. "Hey!"

"We're going to the common room. You're on your own this morning. You should have been up in time." She laughs and we follow her out, listening to Ash's noises of protest. "Come along when you're fed."

"I'm going to get a shower, I'll be along in ten." I nod a temporary goodbye and head in the opposite direction. In the quiet bathroom, only two showers run already, I slip into a central cubical, striping and hammering it on. It groans and spits before a steady stream falls over me. I shut my eyes. It feels good, cool and soothing, running down my spine.

When I open my eyes again, something catches my attention. I reach out, my tough, calloused fingertips probing the jagged tile in front of me. Something hit into it here, hard, causing it to crack all the way out to here... I trace the lines of the break. Something powerful... Something like-

Cas's fist... Shit.


End file.
